Showering Yourself with Stars

Along with the brain-mind complex being wired to accentuate the negative, our self-assessments tend to be tilted toward the critical rather than the appreciative. I know I can gnaw on a comment I wish I hadn’t made like a hungry buzzard ripping apart a carcass. And I can also feel like dead meat after a bout of such self-criticism. Because it bothers me so much, I usually do a reality check with people I fear I may have hurt. Often, the people I think I’ve wounded don’t even remember me doing or saying anything. Or if they do and were upset, they are quick to understand and forgive.

We can learn a lot from those who are quick to understand and forgive, and as a result, we can then commit to being generous and forgiving with ourselves. In fact, many of us probably need to take it a step further and make a commitment to concentrate on appreciating what we do and say or refrain from doing and saying. We can break the habit of criticizing ourselves and skimming over most of the loving, wise, and witty things we do and say. One lighthearted way to break the criticism habit is to accentuate and underscore the positive by giving ourselves actual gold stars for even the smallest accomplishment. For instance, if you are wrestling with depression or grief, you may gold star yourself for getting out of bed that day. If the kids are driving you crazy, you deserve at least one gold star for not raising your voice even though you feel like running from the house screaming, returning only to put them up for sale on eBay.

Excerpted from The Woman's Book of Mindfulness by Sue Patton Thoele. Available on Amazon.