Embracing Compassionate Non-Attachment

Because it throws us into a past and future over which we have no control, one of the best ways to disempower the present is to be overly attached to other people’s chaos and try to fix it for them. While caring for others is essential, it’s equally important that we not carry their feelings as our own. I first learned the value of compassionate detachment as a neophyte therapist who, unschooled in the art of detachment, carried all my clients and their challenges home in an emotional backpack. After a few months of private practice, I was exhausted and overwhelmed by all the baggage I’d collected. I even wondered if I were ill suited to the counseling profession. Luckily, a seasoned therapist shared the concept of compassionate detachment with me and gave me some pointers on incorporating it into my practice.

Even though I saw the value of compassionate detachment, it was hard, and I was lousy at it. Finally, I realized I had a semantic problem with detachment. The word itself felt harsh and abrasive and didn’t resonate with me. As soon as I changed the wording of the concept to non-attachment, I was able to put it into practice. Since compassionate detachment is the usual phraseology, if it feels more natural to you, please feel free to replace non-attached or non-attachment with it as you read on.

Excerpted from How to Stay Upbeat in a Beat Down World by Sue Patton Thoele. Available on Amazon.